YOU MIGHT BE A GUN WHORE IF...
A collection from the POG...
Amended regularly with new additions...
Most Recent: When your teammates give you the nickname "Arsenal"
Your trunk is full of priority mail boxes, and your friends ask you if you've started an online business...
Your gun collection is worth more than 3 times the value of your home mortgage..
You can't play because your back hurts from carrying, dragging, pulling, kicking three gear bags full of guns to the field.
You can suffeciently arm a 5-man team with some top-notch markers.
You have more barrels than fingers and toes combined.
You can't keep track of all the guns you've owned in the past.
You can't keep track on paper all the guns you've owned.
You buy one gun a month but somehow trade it for two more the same month...
You've owned som many guns that you have as many anno colors as there are colors in the pantone color system.
You get emails, pm's, phone calls, etc on a daily basis asking for help on pre-1995 Brass Eagle parts.
It takes you 2 minutes to get dressed to play but 30 minutes deciding which gun to start the day with.
The last five games of the day, you play with 7 different guns.
You hire a couple noobs to help you give new guns the ol' run-through on the field.
You'll spend the money for your girl-friends engagement ring on a Classic Typhoon.
If your house caught on fire you'd burn alive because it took too long for you to grab ALL of your favorites.
You have a rider on your homeowners policy for your collection.
Food is secondary.
Chicks get in the way.
Sperm is discharged for profit...nothing more.
If you run into a burning building and come out with a box full of paintball stuff, but leave Cameron Diaz in there to fend for herself.
If you count your change snd check your bank balance before logging on to POG, PGPOG, PHOG, Pumpplayers.com, PBN and mcarterbrown.
If you don't know how many guns you own, but feel like you need a few more.
If you read paintball catalogs in the bathroom.
If you want to be a PPS tech when you get out of college instead of going for a big money job.
If you drive 120 miles to play paintball and you're the first one there and the last one to leave.
If you paintball guns have cost you enough to buy a nice car or a vacation to Hawaii
when the amount of money you've spent on paintball includes 6 digits...just dollars and not cents....
-when that 6 digit number starts with a 2........
-when your afraid to make a total tally becuase you know that the first number of those 6 digits is probably not a 1 or 2... (but you know that you could have purchased a very nice summer home" instead.)
When you buy a marker and think about how many house payments it could have been...
If you started a thread on a paintball forum called "You might be a gun whore if..."
If every drawer, every cabinet, and every closet seem to contain at least one paintball gun.
If you can supply your own ten man team, and still have enough guns to have backups for everyone.
If every time you go play, it's with a different gun.
If you have that feeling that you just need that 'one more'...
If you buy markers just to see how they function...
When it starts mattering how many where made and by whom...
When no gear bag or case really fits what you bring in a day...
When you use so many different markers, you fail to gain the intimacy required to be the best with just one in particular...
When you need to start buying more stabilizers to keep up with the marker intake levels...
When you plan just lost count...
You trip over at least 3 paintball guns on the way to the bathroom in the middle of the night...
If you have PPS on speed dial, before the police, fire department or local pizza place....
-when you dont NEED speed dial to remember what palmers phone number is...
-when you dont need an address book to know what palmer's adress is...
When the stupid geeky internet paintball jokes about gun ownership actually DO APPLY to you, and you're not sure whether you should tell anyone anymore...
when you ACTUALLY bring your PPS markers in the shower with you to clean them off, then head straight to the workbench to oil them up again...
when your workbench isnt in the garage, but in your office or bedroom
when all of your guns have names...which are custom engraved on sight hoods for each one...
when you need to buy a bigger car to haul all your equipment and guns to the pump game 120 miles away that you are first to show up to and last to leave from...
If you name your first born son Glenn Craig Smith or daughter Lori Camille Smith...
If your 5 yr old son/daughter will pretend to play PBall with you in the house for fun, and will ask you "step out player! your hit!....thanks daddy"
When the people at your regular field ask you what new gun you are using this week...
if you own more guns than ammo...
when you receive a paycheck and you no longer see it as a wealth building tool but you measure it in how many parts/guns you can buy.
If you own a 3 year old or newer car and the stuff you leave in the trunk or back seat is worth more.
If you work as a lone ref and clean up the field during the week just to afford parts and paint.
When your best man to ur wedding is your trusty splatmaster.
If you keep a list of every gun you've ever owned.
If you own more guns that your local gun store.
If you bring your guns on vacation.
If deciding which gun to use is an hour of thinking.
If you have enough parts to make 5 guns from scratch.
If you display your guns in your living room.
If you sleep with a pgp under your pillow all gassed up and loaded incase a burgaler enters your house.
If your three favorite shows are Junkyard Wars, American Chopper, and Battlebots.
If you collect old paintballs.
If you buy your own beadblaster.
If you resort to believing that Lori set a spell on you to justify buying so many Palmer guns.
If you know exactly how much you have spent at Palmers sense the day you walked in.
If you've had EVERY model of marker made in recent memory at least once INCLUDING PPS markers.
If you have 200+ guns currently tagged in storage.......with your own name on them.
If you could get a job at any store or proshop as a gun tech because you either own or have owned every marker they sell.
If you fabricate your own parts.
If you actually own a gun called a "Blaphoon"
If you have to move 1 or more guns to get in the bed....
if you sleep on the floor because your bed and couches are covered in guns
if you have girls that model your guns so that you can post them on the internet for people to look at and drool over
you can lay your nice guns out at your local field and offer them as rentals for $50 a day...and people actually pay...and if they get damaged, you have another just like it as a backup...
-or you have the extra parts in your parts box to fix it within five minutes.
if you think foreplay is loading your hopper
when the top drawer of your snap on tool box has just markers in it.
If you lose your guns because you have to many to keep track of!
if you buy another pgp because you forgot you already owned one.
If one of your new years resolutions is to play with each of your markers at least once in the next year
You just realize you bought 3 markers in the last week
you buy a gun for $350...trade it for a gun worth $600, trade that gun for another worth $900, then buy back the original for $250
Buying another PGP when you already have two. One for normal pump game, one for Stock class and one for collectible.
-or 3 PG's so you can havce one stock (though internally PPS performance tuned - "sleeper"), one tuned, bead blasted and add quick changer and one "Palmerized" with nickle and the works.
if your silverware and brassware is all tarnished and dirty, but your brass barrels for your blazers or old sheridans are bright and shiny!
if you have to decide on buying a really expensive part for your car so that it will run again...or buying a really expensive new gun...and you choose the gun and figure you'll take public-trans for a while...
if you walk into a hardware store (or any other store for that matter) and immediately think to yourself "gee, i wonder if there's anything in here that i can use for paintball!"
You buy three new guns all the while you're sitting at home, unable to play, because you have a fructured ankle
-at the same time that your ankle is being fructured because you just made one really bad slide into a bunker, you manage to put your Blazer slowly and cerfuly on the ground so that it doesn't get damaged
if you don't really see anything wrong in buying markers that are no longer made, you really can't get parts or paint for, and you can't use anywhere
if You check out girls posing with markers in paintball magazines and your pissed off at the girls for ruining the pictures.
if you spend more time at work on the internet searching for paintball stuff to buy than actually working
if PPS calls you when sales are down for the month
if You have a shooting range in your backyard, complete with workbench and running water
if You run time trials through your backyard range to improve your snapshots and shots from cover.
if You have a bumper sticker that say "Gun control means using both hands"
you buy a Nickel/Red PMI-1 SC because you wanted a PMI-1 SC...then 2 days later buy a Black PMI-1 SC because it would match the Nickel/Red one very nicely...then 2 days later buy a black P68-SC because it would match the black PMI-1 SC nicely
you paint you gun wall (or room) a certain color to bring out the buety of your guns
if you know you've got several paintball-related packages on their way to you in the mail, and you're disappointed when the first one is "only" the Nasty Hurricane back from repairs.
If you repeatedly find yourself floating a few hundred because you couldn't wait for the MO to come for the gun you just sold in order to buy the gun that might show up tomorrow... all because you just didn't want someone else to get it first.
If you spend $100 a month on small painball parts, but get ticked off when you find out you need to pay for an oil change on your truck.
If you have ever bought a gun on the spot thinking to yourself in the back of your mind... "this means I've got to sell the cocker tonight... or else that'll bounce.."
If spending a few hundred on paintball seems reasonable, but paying for gear oil for your transmission at $2 a quart seems just a bit rediculous.
If "but you just don't see those for sale very often" is reason enough to bid on it.
If you have a paintball gun project you are building that has taken longer than a year, and still isn't finished, yet you've been through enough $$ worth of guns to finish building it 10 times during that same timespan...
If you have ever used duck tape to get your marker up and running just so you can play for the day
if You think Teflon and Loctie are for girls, Real men USE DUCT TAPE!!
if you have to flip a coin to decide which gun to buy.
If you exit this post so you can buy that BBT Typhoon that is for sale.
If you loose an Sl-68-2 Assume it was stolen from your gear bag , and not care. But later that year you find that Sl-68-2 jammed in the spare tire well of your buick , and still not care...
-Then you give that same gun to some kid that comes into your shop who wanted to play pump, and then...finally care
when you want to buy an SL-68 II...and end up buying a Nasty Typnoon instead...then you try to buy another SL68 II and end up with a Convert Typhoon...and finally on the third try you succeed...3 guns and $2050 later...
if You try to take a picture of all you guns but they cant fit in one shot so you have to take 2...then 3...then 4...5...6...7...8 etc
if you invented the term "Just Another Gun Whore - JAGW"
if the first two numbers ever entered into your cell phone are the feild number, and the home number of the guy who owns the feild.
if your pretty sure you have a talon and a rainmaker somewhere, but your not really positive.
-If you dont really care about the previous one.
if, when looking directly at your monitor, you can see more than six gun parts in your perepheral vision.
if you own two urban camo phantoms, one SC and one R/F...cause you're too lazy to switch the bodies...
if you buy an autococker body to replace your old one, but decide to build a new cocker with that body because you dont want ot ruin the orginal cocker.
if you sell your car to buy a hurricane.
if you happen to own 42 autocockers and have no intention of selling them.
if you check you guns every day to make sure theyre still the same since the last time you checked them.
- especially if you ask them if they're feeling OK while you're checking them
- ever more so - if they answer when you talk to them
if the amount of money that has passed through your paypal account for paintball stuff easily exceeds your paycheck for the year.
If you have any more Gun Whoreisms to add to the list, please e-mail them to me at Viper84@jps.net